Monday, 29 April 2019


The rumour mill is currently in over drive. What the hell is going on with Harry's comedy special everyone is asking? Is it ever going to come out? Or is about to sink in a swamp of fraud and legal issues. Like you I just want the truth. So I paid some Russian Hackers to investigate and based on the data they handed over I was able to ascertain who the main suspects behind the rival crowdfunder to raise funds to sue me might be. Hopefully this article will smoke the real culprits out and we will get the answers we want and deserve. 


One of my early backers very supportive early on but like most people Joe found out the more you get to know me the more you dislike me. And on 13th of March he'd clearly had enough of me and left this comment under my announcement on FB that I had mistakenly spent all the backers money. 

We all know the saying that “a joke is truth wrapped in a smile” and on the 11th of April he took the joke even further with a comment on an innocuous post I made about the special maybe coming out sooner than expected. 

Coincidence that this was the day before the crowdfunder to sue me was launched? Can see why he was so quick to deny it a day later as the evidence that it was him was mounting up in the online trail he was leaving. It’s clear for all of you to see that he is the prime suspect. 

Joe is now covering his tracks further apparently penning a Chortle correspondents piece that we all know will be more #fakenews distorting his web of lies. 




Me and Luke have always had a volatile friendship. He used to chase me around the flat we shared in Edinburgh naked for his own amusement. Also I once took him to my favourite film at the BFI and when we came out he said it was the worst film he had ever seen knowing full well how much the film meant to me. In private he has become increasingly frustrated at the delayed release of the special that he backed on Kickstarter. 

Luke is perhaps the most equipped out of all the suspects to launch a campaign like this. An expert in PR stunts who once tricked an audience into thinking they were coming to see Frankie Boyle when instead they were seeing him perform. Another time he staged a fake protest outside the BBC to get his own show banned from the channel.His motivation to sue me? Some of his most retweeted and liked tweets have been about me so his thinking is this could be great publicity for his new Edinburgh show which by all accounts is not selling very well. It could also be some part of some crazy new TV show he is working on. Who knows with this loose cannon.



Another backer with an axe to grind? Pope was actually the first person to float the idea of someone suing me in a reply to a tweet from Luke McQueen on April 1st. (Maybe they are working together?)

Not content with publicly stating what he was going to do me in the above tweet on the day the Crowdfunder to sue me came out Pope was very quick to privately message me on Facebook floating the theory that I was suing myself in order to cover his tracks. 

For me this is a classic admission of guilt through projection. Like when OJ Simposn released a book called I Did It. With the guilt of his deed eating away at him his warped confession definitely puts him forward as a very credible suspect. Coming up with such an outlandish theory takes the attention off himself and put's it onto the victim (me)



Perhaps the most surprising of all the suspects as until a couple of days ago me and my producer had a really good working relationship. Or so I thought. Now I think about his recent actions perhaps alarm bells should have been ringing when he was the first person to alert me to the campaign to sue me. 

A week later with only one donation to the campaign he then launched into a bitter rant on social media. At the time I thought it was genuine, but now I think about it it might be another distraction tactic from what is a growing list of potential enemies. I took the bait and commented giving the rival campaign the oxygen of publicity. Is that what he wanted?

However in his defense he’s Scottish and they are a very angry nation and let’s face it they have a lot to be angry about the weather is awful there. But why was this anger directed at me? I’ve always put a lot of money into the economy whenever I’ve done Edinburgh. Also we were working on a very fair agreement that when the special comes out he would get a very good share of the profits, the special is still coming out so for him to sue me would be counter-productive.




You don’t work in the comedy industry for 15 years without making the odd enemy. The original Kickstarter was very successful so would quite possibly have irked some old enemies. Until the Kickstarter fraud I had actually managed to keep my nose clean and had worked very hard to rebuild my shattered reputation by staying out of debt for 10 years. But they say that revenge is a dish best served cold so there could be a long list of people who had been biding their time and the successful Kickstarter campaign was the perfect catalyst for one of my many enemies to launch a campaign of revenge.



I once went to say hello to Stewart at the Chortle awards and he turned his back on me. We used to have a good relationship I even put him on the front cover of my magazine. I wrote a very uncomplimentary article about him in Edinburgh a few years back so maybe he is holding a grudge. I also have a theory that he is an egg on Twitter so this is in keeping with that sort of behaviour.



That’s me! As covered me "suing myself" has been suggested by two backers of the campaign (Luke and Pope) But for me these are the classic actions of guilty men, maybe they are even collaborating together. I will admit that me suing myself to publicize my special is a very funny idea BUT as someone who has been sued not once but THREE times it is not something I’d ever make light of. 

The last time I got sued it bankrupted me and estranged me from my family. Enough time has passed where I can laugh at the irony of me getting sued for not releasing a film about the time I got sued. BUT I’m not going to lie. That experience caused me long term psychological damage that i will probably never get over. 

However what cannot be denied is that I was the victim of fraud and have launched a crowdfunding campaign to pay the previous backers back and this rival campaign has been a big distraction, their campaign has even raised more money than my campaign putting any release of the special further in doubt. 

So whichever of the aforementioned suspects is responsible please take your spiteful, irresponsible campaign down so I can release the special in 2020 as I’ve promised.





Meanwhile please donate to my Crowdfunder to pay for the old Crowdfunder. -

Friday, 12 April 2019


This is a screenshot from crowdfunder where some absolute lunatic has started a campaign to sue me after I mistakenly lost the money raised (I've already said I'm doing a new KS to raise funds to pay them back) from the very successful Kickstarter I did last year. I'm now going to have to raise funds for a lawyer too. Not going to post a link as don't want to give this mug the oxygen of publicity. You have to laugh I guess. 

Saturday, 30 March 2019


This comedian thought he'd turned his disastrous comedy special recording around when he completed a successful Kickstarter in order to release the harrowing footage from "the most awkward" special ever. But last week he surprised backers by informing them he "lost" their money. 

The backers were shocked by the news which went from bad to worse when he also revealed he is planning to launch a new kickstarter to cover the losses and repay them, he even messaged some of the backers asking if they would consider donating to paying back their own money...  It also seems like he doesn't even know how to operate a camera from the above exclusive picture from a shoot the backers paid for. But he promised his editor is working hard to "sort it out" in post.  

However... the comedian got the shock of his life when following the aforementioned e-mail he discovered a small band of former backers were launching their own campaign here to raise funds to sue him. 

But he wasn't going to take this vicious assault from those formerly loyal to his cause lying down so he launched his own rival Crowdfunding campaign here to raise funds to pay them back

Some backers were keen to stand by the visionary comedian offering words of support on social media 
And others were quick to put their money where their mouth is and get involved with the new campaign. 

But some including the ex-producer of the special were not so kind launching into an angry expletive ridden post on Facebook. 

That post awoke some smelly online trolls who were keen to express their views. One troll threatened to contact media outlets and report the comedian. 

Thankfully the comedian is not as sour as the backers. Seeing the funny side of the whole affair he incentivesized potential backers to the new campaign with some legal themed rewards. 

Sadly at the time of writing the campaign to sue the comedian has raised the most funds

To see justice prevail and help finally release the special why not back the right campaign here -

Tuesday, 14 February 2017


Valentine's day when upstanding members of the community in secure jobs and loving relationships show their love and financial capabilities with a pre-planned, scheduled day of romance whilst single people are forced to grapple with feelings of being a worthless, infertile hunchbacks incapable of forming a meaningful relationship with anything or anyone other than the self checkout at Sainsbury's.  

You might say Harry don’t be so cynical, embrace romance. I am romantic. If I fell in Love tomorrow I’d be ready to go on Valentines day. On my budget it would have to be some lady and the tramp affair where we go down a back alley and eat spaghetti off a bin lid and then go fuck in a park. See I bleed romance. Not everyone agrees. I actually fingered a girl in a park once but she told me to stop as it wasn’t romantic. In hindsight I’m sure she thought being fingered in a park was the romantic equivalent of sitting in a gondola boat in Venice after she’d seen my flat. We never saw each other again as we realized we were miles apart on what we thought romance was. Her loss because for our next date I was going to take her to that bridge with all the locks on in Paris and fist her.  

I don’t trust love. Well interpersonal love at least. I am capable of love. I can do commitment - I’ve had a phone contract with the same network for five years. I think what stops me getting together with a human, apart from that I use the phrase “getting together with a human”, is for love to be successful you’ve got to evolve, adapt and change. Why would I want to become a better person? I’ve got this far by not changing my behaviour and by got this far I mean I’ve got credit on my oyster card and I know how to switch the washing machine on. If I wanted growth I’d buy a pot plant.

I actually think the best relationship I ever had was 4 hours long. We had a brilliant night together. It ended when she said she couldn’t kiss me as she had a boyfriend. We never saw each other again. I often look back on that four hours with great fondness. I didn’t get in trouble, we didn’t argue. I didn’t have to make small talk with her family about my career prospects. It was all joy and happiness with none of the commitment and  pain of a relationship. I cherish that memory. Why does love have to be forever? Four hours is more than enough, stop being so greedy for love.

I say bring on sex bots. “deactivate shame mode in sex bot” Yes please. “Sex-bot would like to judge your behaviour” turn that mode off thank you. “Would you like to take disable the moral high ground on Sex bot?” Of course. Harry are you saying you want to fuck an opinionless robot with a rubber vagina? Yes, but it comes from a good place.  I am showing true love by not subjecting anyone to a relationship with me, selflessness, thoughtfulness, consideration all the hallmarks of love. All these selfish pricks burdening some poor person with their problems, subjecting them to the up’s the downs of life. Not me I’m keeping my (up) and downs to myself. It’s clear I’ve just not met anyone who compares to how great I am, not a criticism. I’ve been in a great relationship for the last 35 years with a good looking, loving, intelligent, funny person all along and I’ve finally realized that, so tonight I can finally use those Pizza Express vouchers.





Thursday, 2 February 2017


I managed to finish my tax return this weekend. Thanks, I’m great at admin. Once again I had not earned enough revenue to pay tax. My gross earnings were £7,000 in the Tax year 15/16. Tax owed, zero. Satisfaction felt, ten. After a few nights out on the tiles I realized this was not in fact a cause for celebration but rather a sorrowful, financial kick in the balls. Yes, well done Harry that’s the most money you’ve earned in ten years but it’s also the salary of a child.For half that money you could have signed on and it wouldn’t have been as degrading as filling in a tax return for a non taxable amount and checking Google during the process to see if crisps can be classified as an expense.

I did sign on for a couple of weeks once and it was horrific. I was so broke at the time I had to take out a government loan for £27 till the dole came through. The problem was that I had to travel to High Barnet in order to collect the loan. A journey I couldn’t afford.  A journey  you wouldn’t wish upon an employed man let alone an unemployed one. The woman on the phone assured me that a thing called a yellow ticket existed that gets broke, unemployed people to the dole office free of charge. What she didn’t tell me was that this was completely made up by her. I found this out when I demanded to be let on to first the bus and then the tube with my “yellow ticket”. The whole incident put me off the dole and I’ve been in gainful employment ever since- if by gainful employment you mean 7 hours contracted work a week and then a couple of stand up gigs a month where you are paid from money that’s been collected in a hat.

Here is the thing I would love to pay tax. Tax me up. The highest rate.  I’ve not set out to make no money, on the contrary monsieur, the worrying thing is this is my best effort to try and make money. Until I did my tax return and saw the cold hard evidence that I could have earnt the same revenue if I’d gone down my street asking people can I look behind your sofas for coins it really felt like I’d had a productive year. And even now despite evidence to the contrary I can’t shake the feeling that I had a good 15/16. This proves a theory I’ve had- the only thing that’s been holding me back all this time is civilized society. Lots of people are worried about the apocalypse. I’ve been living there for the last ten years and it’s actually not that bad, I found a roast chicken in a bin once.I’m pretty sure when everyone joins me I’ll come into my own. I’ll move into a cave. No one's going to tell me to tidy my cave. Double crossing is frowned upon in our current society, so I don’t do it,  but once the artifice of civility crumbles I’ve always had a sneaky suspicion I’d be quite good at it. Selling a fellow camp dweller out for food.

“But Harry I lent you my lave, I thought we were friends”

“welcome to the apocalypse John.”

I could also really picture myself stepping out from behind a tree and saying to a bunch of lost travellers “Looks like you got lost in the wrong place.” The current society plays to my weakness - long term commitment, paying rent, pretending you are interested in other people’s lives, not my strengths double crossing, living in a cave and ambushes. It’s clearly the system that is broken not me. Bring on Brexit and Trump. I can’t wait till this society falls apart, hell if it really goes to shit with my skill set I'll be the one charging the tax.