Dear Russell
I am writing this letter to you following your recent interview to promote your tour on Newsnight.
I agree some things need changing as society does feel rather unfair for a lot of people. As mentioned in your New Statesman piece, in the issue you edited, there is a culture in this country of being governed by privileged, rich people. A different type of privileged, rich person than yourself of course. After all a lot of them became rich through the corporations you mention who are “destroying the planet” unlike you who nobly amassed your wealth by hosting the MTV awards, shilling Hewlett Packard computers and appearing in films like the remake of Arthur.
Anyway everything feels better since you got the revolution started late last week, I had a really nice cup of tea the other day and I stayed in the other night. Real change has been facilitated. I am ready to not vote as you suggested. In fact I am sitting here not voting right now. How long do you think I will have to wait to start voting again? As you told Jeremy Paxman on Newsnight to not ask you to “ devise a global utopian governmental system” Is there any plan at all? I know you are busy, are they making a Despicable Me 3?
Have you thought of setting up your own political party? Jonathan Ross could be head of communications and maybe Andrew Sachs could do your PR? He got you a lot of press a few years ago so could be a good person to get involved. Maybe your BB Noel Gallagher could come up with a new Education syllabus seeing ashe recently told GQ that “Novels are a waste of fucking time” It’s quite an achievement to come out with a statement that makes Michael Gove look sane. I just think Noel will be good person to have on side in the New World order.
Will referring to my penis in third person help in anyway with the revolution? Mr Winkie wants to know. Also I’ve bought a thesaurus so I can start making simple points sound more exciting and also create the illusion that I am cleverer than I actually am… Open letters are tiring… I’m just going to de canter some boiling aqua into a china receptacle containing Indian leaves before adding liquid calcium. What a refreshing tipple of Darjeeling.
A friend said to me that I shouldn’t be part of your revolution because of your do as I say not as I do attitude but I said how can we not listen to someone on the redistribution of wealth who married Katy Perry on an elephant in an lavish Indian wedding.
Anyway I’ve wasted enough of your time, I’m sure we will hear what to do next when you next appear in the media to promote whatever it is you are selling.
Sincerely, Harry
PS Thanks for the secret political message in Rock Of Ages. Wink wink.
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